The following tale is as true as my memory allows. It occurred four years ago in the City of Indians, where we often drink too much and do stupid things. I’m sure that life is nothing like that where you live. While not directly related to the birth of little baby Jesus, the story is ultimately His fault, because He failed to come to my aid in a timely fashion. Up your nose with a rubber hose, little baby Jesus. It all began at the company Christmas party, a place famous for the bad decisions it inspires. I chalk it up to a year's worth of proletarian frustration exploding into a burst of revolutionary stupidity. This party, however, did not seem likely to descend into proper bacchanalia. I sat in a downtown bar surrounded by boring, witless people who spoke constantly of nothing. As nature abhors a vacuum, so I abhor the vacuous. I escaped the inanity by drinking and drinking and drinking. And, when the party was over, I remained in the bar with two of my least o
For the last 30 years, Geraldo Rivera’s career has been marked by one spectacularly lucrative failure after another. His incompetence is legendary. His lack of good judgment is astonishing. His ability to remain employed is miraculous. If failure was an Olympic event, Geraldo would probably find a way to lose that, too. The man is a veritable crap factory, producing journalistic excrement with the regularity of a malevolent metronome. Let us take a moment to reflect. 1986 – Al Capone’s Vault During the renovation of a Chicago hotel that Al Capone had once inhabited, a system of secret tunnels was discovered that led straight to Geraldo Rivera’s ego. A two-hour live special was constructed around the opening of a secret room in one of the secret tunnels, a room dubbed Al Capone’s vault . The hype leading up to this show was extraordinary. It was suggested that the opening of the vault might reveal anything from masses of money to bunches of bodies. I